Inferno 3: Episode 1

First of all, I am really grossed out by whatever show is on before Inferno. About 30 seconds of it spilled over on the DVR recording, and I still can't exactly describe what I saw when I pressed play. It caught 15 seconds of teenagers getting compound fractures after falling off skateboards and then 15 seconds of Papa Roach performing live. Pretty confusing.

But when this third installment of the Inferno actually began I almost crapped myself. I saw what I have been dying to see ever since CT took credit for sending Leah flowers in Paris and Alton single handedly pushed a pick up truck full of bricks across a field on The Gauntlet 2: those two steeds on opposing teams. It was a dream come true. Add to that CT making a gracious, moving toast at dinner and then getting his nose bloodied wrestling with Kenny later that night? This is going to be sweet.

As far as the theme goes, they have done this before, but I like it in the sense that it is pretty much MTV admitting that now the main criterion for determining if someone should be put on a season of The Real World is whether or not they are one-dimensional enough to make a convincing Challenge character. They were way off on a few choices, though:

• Kenny as a Bad Ass? Don't get me wrong, I think he is plenty tough, but he is one of the funniest, most easy going guys on the show. He was the good-natured comic foil to Tina on Fresh Meat and an equally entertaining gentleman on The Duel.
  
• Rachel as a good guy? She was a total bitch on her season and everyone hated her (and if douches like Nehemiah and Wes have reasons to hate you, you must be a really bad person). In her defense, I guess being a "really bad person" doesn't necessarily make you a "Bad Ass"
  
• But by far the worst choice is making Danny a Bad Ass. Are you kidding me? The only bigger wimp I can think of from the past 15 years of MTV programming is Joe from Real World Miami and maybe Jesse Camp. He even calls himself a pussy. I bet if I were to tell him right now that every 13 year-old boy has access to these pictures of Melinda he would just sit in the corner and cry. You didn't win an Oscar, dude. You were on The Real World. Return Lacey's phone calls.
  

But on to the real story: CT was sent packing literally hours after the team arrived in South Africa for drunkenly punching Davis in the face. This situation gets me very angry for three reasons:

1. You can not tell me that they didn't get it on film because I am positive that after all the intentional and unintentional comedic moments CT has provided through the years, MTV must have a full crew trained on him at all times.
   
2. It appears that CT may be gone for a long while. Tina had been on like 4 of the last 5 Challenges and she is noticeably absent the season after she punched Beth in the face (which also mysteriously took place "off camera"). So not only are we robbed of any number of possible CT/Alton showdowns on this season, we may never get a chance to see it at all. Then again, Abe has gotten kicked off not one but two seasons of Road Rules for coming to blows with another member of the cast, and he is back, so I guess there is always hope.
3. Let's not forget Davis almost left Denver and went to rehab after he spent the good part of a night early in the season repeatedly calling Tyrie the n-bomb and actually begging to get his snotbox rearranged. Due to CT's absolute incoherence, we really never got his side of the story. Aside from the fact that we all know it would be hilarious to hear a sober CT describe how it went down, I can not stop thinking that the whole incident is very suspicious. I totally agree that CT had to be removed from the show, but Davis is on pace to become one of the more prolific shit-disturbers in Real World history, so I have a hard time believing the attack was 100% unprovoked.
   

This is getting long, so only a few more notables:

• How can they have the Denver cast on the challenge when their Real World season is still going on? MTV has ruined any remaining suspense about the fate of the cast. I was banking on at least one cast member killing another before the season was over. Now I know that everyone survives (I guess Jen or Colie could have still killed Alex, but I know for sure now that there are at least 4 people that Brooke doesn't kill, which in and of itself is a bit disappointing)
• I was very surprised that Tyrie didn't start crying after the ladder challenge like he's done every other time he had to climb something on MTV.
• I still have no idea what to make of Ev.
  
• I've said it once before, but it bears repeating: ALTON IS A STEEEEEEEEEEED! Stepping in on the first Inferno? Of course he did. I saw that coming a mile away and it still gave me goosebumps when it happened.